Hell Hath No Fury Like Ferret Face Scorned
by OnlyHawkeye4Hotlips
Summary: NEW CHAPTER7srry i took so long...Frank's wife wants a divorce and thinks she is in love with a man from her husbands letters, Margaret falls in love with Hawkeye, how will Frank react after being dumped by his girlfriend and his wife?
1. Chapter1: The beginning

Disclaimer: Yeah the usual, I don't own M*A*S*H or the characters, I'm just playing with them, I promise to put them back when I'm done. I do own the idea. So no stealing!  
  
OnlyHawkeye4Hotlips note: This story takes place when Donald doesn't exist,  
frank doesn't leave, Colonel potter is there and BJ 2.But Margaret and Hawkeye have been home 2 months since they were comrades in arms. K? Here  
is the story as cheesy as it may be..  
Hell Hath no Furry Like Ferret Face Scorned  
Written By: OnlyHawkeye4Hotlips  
Crazy_Hypergirl@hotmail.com  
  
Louise read the latest letter from Frank. He mentioned this Major Houlihan one too many times. This Hawkeye that Frank  
  
continually complained about, he was interesting.  
  
"That's it, I'm going to Korea and getting my self a divorce!" she said to herself  
Meanwhile at the 4077th  
  
There was a knock at the door.  
  
"Come in," said Major Houlihan  
  
"Hello Margaret," giggled Frank  
  
"Oh, Frank, I've been meaning to talk to you."  
  
"Really, sugarplum? What about?"  
  
"Frank don't call me that. It's over between us, I've been thinking and you're married I should never have gotten involved with  
  
you from the beginning. I'm sorry."  
  
"Oh, but Margaret, why?" whined Frank. Margaret couldn't tell him that ever since the trip to the 8063rd with Hawkeye that  
  
she was losing interest in Frank.  
  
"I already told you why Frank, please leave."  
  
"Margaret," whimpered Frank trying to kiss her.  
  
"GET OUT!" yelled Margaret  
  
Frank slammed the door behind him and went back to the swamp.  
  
"Hello Frank." said Hawkeye  
  
"Margaret didn't break up with me!" yelled Frank  
  
"Whoa Hotlips dumped you Frank?" said BJ  
  
"No!" Frank left the swamp and headed for the Officer's Club.  
  
Hawkeye tried not to look too happy, he knew Margaret would never love him, but it was fun to dream.  
  
"You know Beej, I think I'm going to go see what's going on," he said and left the swamp  
  
Hawkeye came to Margaret's tent and knocked.  
  
"Go away Frank."  
  
"It's not Frank." Margaret opened the door.  
  
"What do you want Captain?" she glared; Hawkeye ignored her and stepped into her tent.  
  
"Margaret, why did you dump Frank?" he asked  
  
"It's none of your business captain!" she said icily  
  
"Listen Margaret, it's been 2 months since the trip to the 8063rd and I think we need to talk about it."  
  
"Why do you think that my dumping Frank has anything to do with you?"  
  
"I never said it did."  
  
"Fine, what do you want to talk about the trip for?"  
  
"For our sanity."  
  
"Fine."  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"You should be,"  
  
"I know, I acted like a jerk."  
  
"You did."  
  
"You aren't going to make this any easier are you?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Fine," Hawkeye got up to leave.  
  
"Wait," he turned around.  
  
"I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have tried to change you." Hawkeye smiled.  
  
"Friends then?"  
  
"Friends." They hugged, and Hawkeye kissed her.  
  
"Oh no, what is wrong with me!" thought Hawkeye  
  
"Margaret?"  
  
"Yeah?" she said  
  
"I'm sorry,"  
  
"Don't be?"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I'm not,"  
  
"I thought you hated me!" Hawkeye said in surprise.  
  
"I thought you hated me too."  
  
"I guess we were both wrong."  
  
"Not really."  
  
"What?"  
  
"There's a fine line between love and hate." She said and kissed him.  
  
"I better get back to the swamp." Hawkeye stuttered.  
  
"Ok," said Margaret a little hurt.  
  
"But Major?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Can we continue this later?" he grinned and she smiled.  
  
Louise looked around as the jeep carried her toward the 4077th.  
  
"Best Care Anywhere? Not with Frank here." She thought. When they pulled into the compound every one was in OR. Louise  
  
thanked the driver and took her bags to the little office that she guessed belonged to the new CO. She found the company clerk who she remembered was named Radar in the office outside of the Colonel's.  
  
"Excuse me, are you Radar?" Radar looked up surprised.  
  
"Yes, mam."  
  
"I'm Louise Burns, I'm here to see my husband."  
  
"Oh, uh Major Burns is in OR right now, but I'll put your bags in the VIP tent for you."  
  
"Thank you." Louise went to her tent.  
  
"It won't be long now," she thought  
  
"How long were we in there?" asked BJ  
  
"15 hours," said Margaret  
  
"I don't know about you Beej, but I'm going to the O club for a drink. Care to join me?"  
  
"No, I'm going to spend some quality time with my pillow,"  
  
"Oh, Margaret, would you like to accompany me to the Officer's club?"  
  
"May as well, I'm too tired to sleep anyway."  
  
The two headed to the Officer's Club when Frank walked in.  
  
"Where's Major Houlihan?"  
  
"She's with Hawkeye," muttered BJ falling asleep as he pulled on his pants.  
  
"Pierce?! Oh well, fine then." Radar scurried in quickly.  
  
"Uh, Major Burns sir?"  
  
"What is it Corporal?"  
  
"Oh, uh, your wife's here to see you sir,"  
  
"My wife?! You better not be lying you little weasel! Where is she?"  
  
"She's in the VIP tent, sir!" squeaked Radar. Frank stomped out of the change room and went to the VIP tent. He knocked on the door...  
  
HE HE, my first teaser! More to come, I've not even begun yet 


	2. Chapter2:The plot thickens

"Louise?" said Frank knocking on the door of the VIP tent. A mousy woman opened the door.  
  
Behind her large glasses, she looked at Frank carefully.  
  
"Yes, Frank it's me." Louise Burns said evenly.  
  
"Oh, honeybunch!" Frank whimpered moving closer to her. "I missed you, did you miss me?" Louise scowled at him.  
  
"Don't 'oh honeybunch' me Frank!" she said "I know you've been having an affair, and I know this  
  
isn't the first time."  
  
"Louise, I never."  
  
"Yes you did, Frank." She cut him off "I won't bother naming names, but I know. I didn't come  
  
here just to see you."  
  
"Then why?" asked Frank pouting.  
  
"I came here because I want a divorce Frank."  
  
"So, Margaret tell me everything about you, I don't already know," said Hawkeye from his drink.  
  
"If I did that, we'd be here all night," she smiled. Hawkeye grinned.  
  
"What's your favorite colour, book, movie, anything."  
  
"Hmm, umm yellow, and Gone With The Wind."  
  
"Is Gone With The Wind your favorite book or movie?"  
  
"Both, what about you?"  
  
"Blue, Gone With The Wind, and Charlie Chaplin in the Gold Rush."  
  
"You're kidding! Charlie Chaplin?" Hawkeye grinned.  
  
"Yup, I think he's hilarious." Margaret smiled and opened her mouth to respond when Igor came up to them.  
  
"Excuse me Major, Captain, but it's 2 o'clock and I'm bushed, do you mind if I close up?" he asked tiredly.  
  
Margaret looked at her watch quickly.  
  
"Oh, my it really is late!" she exclaimed looking at Hawkeye  
  
"Igor, why don't you let me close up for you, the Major and I have a few patients to discuss."  
  
"Thanks Hawkeye." Igor said tossing him the keys. Igor left them and headed to his own tent.  
  
"We should get some sleep soon," pointed out Margaret  
  
"I guess," said Hawkeye mock pouting  
  
"Later," said Margaret grinning  
  
Frank sat on the edge of his bunk stunned. Louise wanted a divorce, he had been able to convince  
  
her to give him the week to show what a good husband he could be, but he was still upset. He lay  
  
down and stared at the ceiling, thinking of ways he could stop Louise from getting a divorce. Frank  
  
couldn't sleep so he decided to take a walk, he heard voices and thought they were coming from  
  
the O-club. Frank walked over to the Officer's club and peeked inside. He couldn't see much,  
  
because the only light was a lit candle, but he could make out to figures. One was a man, he knew  
  
that, but the other one.. Suddenly the candle light caught just right, and Frank could see that the  
  
other person was Major Houlihan. Frank's lips disappeared and he stormed back to the swamp.  
  
OH4H : well there's the newest chapter! Next chapter: Louise finally meets the man she has heard so much about, Margaret is in trouble and frank becomes dangerous! 


	3. Capter3:Ferret face gets mad

Louise studied her surroundings.  
  
"Certainly isn't much to look at," she thought to herself, she left her tent and began her exploration of the 4077th.  
  
She thought she should first go to the colonel's office. She arrived in Radar's room to find him searching through some files.  
  
"Excuse me, is Colonel Potter in?" she asked curtly.  
  
"Uhh, yes mam, just a sec." Radar scurried into Colonel Potter's office and came back quickly. "You can go ahead in mam,"  
  
"Thank you corporal," she nodded and headed into the Colonel's office, she found him painting.  
  
"Oh, you must be Mrs. Burns, I'm Colonel Sherman Potter, pleased to meet you." Colonel Potter said shaking her hand.  
  
"A pleasure to meet you as well. Colonel, I imagine you are wondering why I am here."  
  
"I was a little curious," said the Colonel. Louise explained to Colonel Potter why she had come and after talking with him for  
  
a while, she decided to go to the mess tent. She practically knew where everything since Frank had described it to her in his  
  
letters. She looked with distain at the food in front of her, Louise chose what she thought might be edible and decided to look  
  
for a table. She was feeling uncomfortable, not knowing where to sit, when a dark haired man came up in line beside her.  
  
"What's the form of torture today Igor?" he asked  
  
"Liver or Fish," Igor said  
  
"Figures," said a blonde haired man beside the taller, dark haired one. The dark haired man turned to find a table when he  
  
slightly bumped into Louise.  
  
"Sorry," he said  
  
"Quite all right, Mr.?"  
  
"Hawkeye," he said shaking her hand. Louise's hear fluttered a little hearing the name that her husband so constantly swore at  
  
in his letters.  
  
"The infamous Hawkeye Pierce," she smiled "And you must be BJ Honeycutt," she said to the blonde man.  
  
"Yeah," said BJ "Not to be rude, but who are you?"  
  
"Louise Burns," she said. The three sat at a nearby table noticing that the line was becoming large behind them.  
  
"So Mrs. Burns, what brings you to Korea?" asked BJ  
  
"I came here to divorce Frank," she said simply. Hawkeye nearly choked on his supposed 'coffee'. Louise continued.  
  
"Last time he wormed his way out of it, so I decided to come here myself." BJ and Hawkeye shared a quick glance when the  
  
door of the mess tent opened and Margaret came in. She got a coffee and seeing Hawkeye walked over and sat beside him.  
  
"Morning!" she smiled  
  
"Morning," said BJ, glancing at Mrs. Burns.  
  
"Morning, care to join me for a walk?" said Hawkeye  
  
"But you haven't had your lunch yet," she said  
  
"It's alive, and you know how I feel about killing living things," said Hawkeye. Margaret laughed.  
  
"Alright, but at least bring your coffee," she said  
  
"Ya vole mine commandant!" he said saluting. The two left the mess tent leaving BJ with Louise.  
  
"I take it I'm not very welcome here." Louise said  
  
"Oh no, it's not that. It's just Frank's well." Louise held up a hand.  
  
"Don't worry, I know Frank isn't liked here, he complained about it often enough in his letters. And quite honestly I don't  
  
blame anyone in camp for not liking him, he can be hard to get along with." BJ looked at her puzzled. Louise stood up.  
  
"Well, I really should get going, I want to look around the camp a little," Louise left, and BJ couldn't help but think that there  
  
was more to her being here then just a divorce.  
  
"Why did you drag me out of the mess tent so quickly?" asked Margaret leaning against Hawkeye.  
  
"You know the woman sitting with BJ and I?"  
  
"Yeah," Margaret said slowly  
  
"That's Frank's wife, she came to get a divorce." Margaret got up from the grassy hill the two were sitting on and walked  
  
away a little, rubbing her arms.  
  
"Margaret, are you all right?" asked Hawkeye worried, she didn't answer him. "Margaret?"  
  
"Hawkeye, what have I done?" she asked crying a little  
  
"Margaret, what are you talking about?"  
  
"It's my fault! She probably came here because of me. I never should have gotten involved with Frank, I knew he was married, but."  
  
"Margaret, a divorce doesn't happen because of one affair. Frank probably has had affairs before, this was probably the last straw." Hawkeye tried to reassure her. Margaret looked at him.  
  
"Your right, but it doesn't make me feel any better." Hawkeye kissed her. "That helps though," she smiled. The two kissed  
  
again.  
  
"You know I've been thinking, and I don't want a 'secrete' relationship that we have to try to hide from everyone. But I want things to be more private then they were with Frank," said Margaret  
  
"Margaret, I don't care as long as I have you," smiled Hawkeye.  
  
"We should get back to camp," Margaret said sadly. Hawkeye stood up.  
  
"Care to be escorted to camp by the most handsome doctor here?"  
  
"Yes, but you'll have to do," grinned Margaret. The two walked hand in hand to camp. They headed to the O club for a drink,  
  
when Frank came out of Post Op.  
  
"Hello Frank," said Hawkeye squeezing Margaret's hand.  
  
"A lot you know!" said Frank. "What are you doing with the Major's hand?" sneered Frank  
  
"Holding it I think, am I holding your hand Major?" he grinned  
  
"Yes Captain, I believe you are!" said Margaret trying not to smile.  
  
"Margaret, how can you let this, this, wise apple hold your hand?" whined Frank  
  
"My business is none of your concern Frank."  
  
"But Margaret." he whimpered  
  
"But nothing, Frank. Now Captain, I believe we were going to the Officer's Club?"  
  
"Lead on MacDuff!" said Hawkeye. Margaret rolled her eyes at him and led him to the O club leaving a very angry Frank behind.  
  
"He's not going to get away with this!" thought Frank "I won't let him!"  
  
OH4H: yeah, I know it's short but I had to put something up or jade would tar and feather me! EEP! J/k! Thanks for the reviews, you like me you really like me! And why shouldn't you? Because I take a long time to write, anyway next chapter: Louise decides that she wants Hawkeye for herself! 


	4. Chapter4:Intrest, disintrest, and the fe...

Hawkeye was looking at a chart in Post Op when Louise Burns walked in. He looked up.  
  
"Hello, Doctor." Louise said  
  
" Call me Hawkeye, finding your way around the camp alright?" Hawkeye was feeling very awkward being around Frank's  
  
wife, not to mention that she was probably out for Margaret's blood.  
  
"I'm finding my way around just fine. I would like to learn more about what you do here though," she said looking at him.  
  
Hawkeye felt a chill go down his spine; Louise's clear green eyes looked like they knew everything, and it unsettled him.  
  
"Yeah well, it's not much but we like to call it hell," he said. Louise smiled at him, there was something about Hawkeye that  
  
made her wonder what she ever saw in Frank.  
  
"Never much of anything really," she thought bitterly "and I think I know just how big of a mistake I've made."  
  
Hawkeye disrupted her thoughts. "I'm sorry Mrs. Burns I have to get going, I promised a friend of mine a game of gin as soon as I got of duty," he said uncomfortably  
  
"Quite alright," she smiled warmly, Hawkeye smiled back. "I'll see you around," he said and headed for Margaret's tent.  
  
"You may not know it yet 'Hawkeye' but you're going to see me a lot more than you think." She thought, her eyes sparkling.  
  
"I'm gonna kill Captain Pierce, doo dah doo dah! I'm gonna kill Captain Pierce, shoot him dead hooray!" Frank sang to himself, while loading his gun.  
  
"This'll teach him to take what's not his!" Frank thought with glee. For a moment Frank frowned and thought back to earlier.  
  
"Come in Hawkeye," Margaret said her back to the door. Frank walked in upset. "Why would you let Pierce come in here?!" he asked "Go away Frank," Margaret said brushing her hair. "No, I want to know what's going on between you and Captain Pierce!" he whined. Margaret sighed, Frank was going to find out one way or another. "I don't see how this is any of your business Frank!" she said "Please tell me Margaret!" he whimpered "Fine Frank!" she said turning around in her chair. "If you must know, Captain Pierce and I happen to be in love." "No, that's not true!" Frank pouted. Margaret glared at him. "Frank, I love Hawkeye, nothing will ever change that," she said firmly "end of story." "Hmph, you sound like you two are married!" said Frank in disgust. Margaret smiled a little at that thought. "We may not me married Frank, but as far as I'll stay by Hawkeye for better or worse till death do us part." She said  
  
"Till death do they part!" Frank thought happily. "And death is coming a lot sooner than expected!"  
  
OH4H: Hee Hee I'm so evil! I know this is a majorly (pun totally intended) short chapter but that's the point! I want 3 more reviews before any more chapters go up! I LOVE TO BLACKMAIL! Muh ha ha ha! 


	5. Chapter5:The Plot is getting so thick, i...

Hawkeye frowned slightly when he saw Louise Burns come into Post Op, she followed him around too much for his taste, and  
  
it was becoming more and more difficult for him to sneak away with Margaret. The only time he was able to sit by Margaret  
  
alone was mealtime, he sighed, hopefully he could get rid of Louise long enough to get to Margaret's after his shift.  
  
"Hello Dr. Pierce," said Louise softly  
  
"Hello Louise, where's Frank?" asked Hawkeye,hoping that she would take the hint and leave.  
  
"He's sleeping your tent," her voice curt and her eyes sharpening at his mention.  
  
"Oh, he better get up soon, he's supposed to relieve me in five minutes." Louise's eyes brightened.  
  
"Would you like to accompany me for a cup of coffee in the mess tent?"  
  
"Uh, actually I was going to have a nap in the swamp," he stammered nervously.  
  
"Oh, well then, after your nap?" she said hopeful.  
  
"This woman cannot take a hint!" thought Hawkeye "Look here's Frank! It's all yours Frank!" Hawkeye threw his coat at  
  
Frank and quickly headed out the door. Louise frowned a little, "This is going to be tougher than I thought." Her thoughts  
  
were interrupted by Frank.  
  
"Louise, what were you doing talking to Pierce?" he whined angrily.  
  
"Frank, you cannot control yourself, how on earth do you expect to control me?" she spat. Frank looked at her dumbly.  
  
"Honeybee, I don't understand!" his voice pathetic. Louise rolled her eyes.  
  
"Frank you could fill an encyclopedia on things you don't understand."  
  
"Why are you being so mean to me Louise?" Frank pouted, "It's Pierce isn't it? He's poisoned your mind against me! No body loves me!" Louise felt badly for him.  
  
"That's not true Frank, I love you, I'm just angry at you!" Louise said, her eyes losing their edge. Frank looked at her doubtful.  
  
"Do you really love me sugar bear?" he said in a small voice. Louise sighed.  
  
"Of course I love you Frank, I don't know why, but I love you!" Frank giggled and hugged Louise. **  
  
Louise walked around the compound and noticed something she thought was a bit strange. She didn't expect to see what she saw. Hawkeye Pierce and Margaret Houlihan were holding hands and walking towards her tent. They stopped just outside of the tent, and Hawkeye bent down and kissed her on the lips.  
  
Louise stared in anger. She didn't want anyone else but herself to be kissing him, let alone the woman that was her husband's former girlfriend. First her husband, and now Hawkeye Pierce. Something needed to be done, and quick. She stalked to her tent quickly and sat on her bunk.  
  
"First she takes my husband, and then when he's not good enough for her anymore, she grabs the next guy she finds!" Louise grabbed a brush and started brushing her hair with a vengence. "She's not going to get away with this! I'm going to take Hawkeye all for myself, even if I need that idiot I call a husband to do it!"  
  
OH4H: Yeah, I've had writers block for a little while, thanks to Assilem for her help on this chapter! YAY!!!!!!!! Yeah 3 reviews was easy so now, I will not post another chapter till I get 1 new HM story!!!!!!!!!HA HA HA HA! 


	6. Chapter6:I'm running out of names for ch...

Hawkeye walked into the swamp and flopped down on his bunk. BJ was lying on his own bunk when his bunkmate walked in. BJ looked up at him from his letter from Peg.  
  
"Hey Hawk, long time no see!" he said as if they'd been apart for years. Hawkeye looked at BJ and poured himself a drink from the still. He wasn't being very friendly or upbeat like he usually was, it was the total opposite, he was being very cool and quiet.  
  
"Hey what's wrong?" BJ asked, his tone full of concern. Hawkeye turned to his best friend and looked at him a minute before setting his glass down and spoke.  
  
"It's Mrs. Burns," said Hawkeye in annoyance "the woman's everywhere! I can barely see Margaret, because she's following me around!" BJ looked at him, the camp knew that something was going on between the head nurse and chief surgeon, but they weren't sure what. And from what Hawkeye had just said, BJ figured it out. He couldn't wait to see them together.  
  
"You and Margaret finally got together? That's great!" he said happily. BJ was now standing and shook his best friend's hand. "You wont believe how happy I am for you two. Just wait till you get married, man, that'll be the day." BJ teased with a cocky smile.  
  
"Yeah, too bad I never see her!" Hawkeye said angrily. He loved Margaret and wanted to spend time with her, but Louise Burns was making that impossible. "I would love just to spend an hour with her, without an interruption from Mrs. Burns."  
  
"Well, I think there's something strange going on with Louise Burns." BJ said getting himself a martini. Hawkeye grinned. BJ was a smart man, and Hawkeye figured that he was getting what Hawkeye was feeling.  
  
"What do you expect Beej? She married Ferret Face didn't she?" BJ laughed and took a sip from his martini.  
  
"That's true Hawk." BJ laughed taking another sip of his drink. "So tell me, what exactly are you and Margaret?"  
  
Hawkeye smiled brightly and sat down. "Well we want to take it somewhat slow. You know? I myself want this relationship to last as long as possible." Hawkeye admitted with a smile. He took a sip of his martini and looked at his friend who was smiling wildly. "What are you smiling at?"  
  
"Me I'm smiling at nothing." BJ winked taking a sip of his martini. Hawkeye gave his friend a skeptical look and watched him carefully before throwing a sock at him The two continued to drink and talk until Frank came in.  
  
"Hi Frank!" said BJ brightly  
  
"Hiya Frank!" Hawkeye said in the same tone.  
  
"A lot you know!" Frank said bitterly and crawled into bed. Hawkeye and BJ grinned at each other and Hawkeye headed out the door.  
  
"Where are you going Hawkeye?" asked BJ sleepily  
  
"I'm just going to say goodnight to someone," he whispered, his eyes sparkling. BJ laughed softly and went to sleep, Frank however stayed wide- awake.  
  
Hawkeye walked out the door of the SWAMP and quickly across the compound to a certain Major's tent. He hoped that Louise was sleeping so he could have a little bit of time with his girl friend.  
  
He knocked quietly on the door and waited for Margaret to open it. He had a wide smile on his face and couldn't believe how many butterflies were in his stomach. Margaret opened the door and smiled brightly.  
  
"Come on in." She smiled letting the tall dark haired surgeon in. Hawkeye walked in and grabbed her hand and bringing it up to his lips. He gave it a kiss and looked at her.  
  
"I just came to see how you were doing?" Hawkeye said in a hushed tone.  
  
"I'm better now that you're here **  
  
"Who is it?" Margaret said sleepily, slowly walking to the door. There was no light and all Margaret could see was a dark shape in her doorway. She was awake now.  
  
"Who are you?" she demanded startled. The dark shape raised a rope, Margaret screamed. 


	7. Chapter7:CLIFFHANGER OOOO IM MEAN!

After Hawkeye arrived back he collapsed on his bunk with a smile on his face. Margaret was everything he ever wanted, he still found it hard to believe that she loved him. He felt incredible and with this feeling, he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.  
  
** Frank still laid awake thinking, Louise was here, he might as well go see her. After all she was his wife. He put his slippers on and housecoat and made his way out of the SWAMP, he walked along the dirt road in the dark, it was darker than usual, and he momentarily wondered why. As he walked towards her tent he noticed the light in Margaret's tent went off. He remembered the nights that had been spent in her tent. He loved it, and Margaret was an angel, but now she and Pierce were together and that made him angry. Very angry, Margaret was his, and he intended to keep her that way.  
  
** Louise looked around before exiting her tent, it was dark and the walking ground was only dirt and rocks, she wasn't used to this. She walked across the compound and noticed Frank standing in front of Major Houlihan's tent, she rolled her eyes and tried to keep her anger controlled. She just stood there watching him for a moment, anger boiled inside of her and she was tempted to yell at Frank, leave him, hit him, anything to cause him pain. She wanted to hurt him the way that he had hurt her. Louise turned on her heels and walked away, she couldn't keep her anger down and thought it best to just walk away. If she wanted everything to work, she couldn't just explode at Frank. She needed patience..  
  
**  
  
Margaret sighed happily and brushed her hair. Hawkeye was such a great guy, he came to see her just to say goodnight, he wasn't anything like Frank, goodnight with Frank meant nothing to her, a mere kiss from Hawkeye meant more to her then anything else. She set the brush down and turned off her light, crawling into bed she smiled and settled in.  
  
**  
  
There was a knock at the door, Margaret slowly got up cursing whoever it was at the door. "Who is it?" she asked sleepily, opening the door. There was little light and all she could see was a dark shape in her doorway. She was fully awake now. "Who are you?!" she demanded. The dark shape raised a rope and Margaret screamed.  
  
**  
  
Margaret sat straight up breathing heavily. "It was just a nightmare," she thought, but she was still scarred. Margaret got up and turned on the light, she went to her nightstand to the book she'd been reading when she saw a piece of paper. She picked it up and read it.  
  
Dearest Margaret,  
I love you to death and I'm going to prove it to you.  
  
Love always,  
Frank  
  
Margaret angrily tore up the letter, she was mad, not only was Frank in her tent he had the nerve to tell her he loved her when she knew he didn't and while his wife was in camp. "What a slime!" she said to no one imparticular. She thought about going to the swamp but decided against it, Frank hadn't hurt her when he was there, he probably went back to his tent anyway. Margaret got up and locked her door, then settled back into her bed. **  
  
"Morning," Hawkeye grinned sitting across from Margaret in the mess tent. "Morning," Margaret thought about telling him about Frank, but decided there was no point. "Colonel Potter said we aren't supposed to have any casualties for a couple days," Hawkeye said poking his eggs with a fork. "That's good, I'm tired enough with or without casualties." Hawkeye grinned at her. "I can't imagine why," Margaret slapped his elbow and tried without much success to bite into a piece of toast.  
  
Frank walked into the mess tent, he got a coffee and was about to leave when he saw Major Houlihan and Hawkeye talking together. He skulked to a corner table so he could hear their conversation.  
  
"Do you have Post Op tonight?" asked Hawkeye sniffing his egg. Margaret made a face. "No, why must you always sniff your food?" she asked exasperated. Hawkeye grinned. "When I get back to the states I want to enjoy every meal I eat, if I forget how bad this stuff is, I might not enjoy it as much." "I don't thing anyone could forget how awful this stuff is, although I wish I could." Hawkeye smiled. "I can think of a way to make you forget about the food here for one evening at least," Margaret raised an eyebrow. "Oh?" she smiled "I'll see you after my shift in Post Op and we can go for a walk by the moonlight, how does that sound?" "Wonderful, I have some reports to fill out, I'll see you tonight." Hawkeye mock pouted. "What no kiss?" he asked hopefully, Margaret laughed and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "See you," she said getting up. "Ok, but you aren't getting away with only cheek kisses tonight." Margaret rolled her eyes and left the mess tent.  
  
"Tonight it is," thought Frank "tonight is the night Pierce dies." 


	8. THE LAST CHAPTER!

OH4H: Well ladies and gents it's been a good run. Time for the finale. This is the last chapter to Hell Hath No Furry Like a Ferret Face Scorned. ~sniff~ well this is it.  
  
Frank carefully opened his footlocker; he picked up his gun gingerly as if it were a diamond. He thought back to his last conversation with Louise.  
  
**  
  
"Come in,"  
  
"Hello honeybee!" Frank said cheerfully. Louise turned around looking at Frank with a sigh.  
  
"What do you want Frank?"  
  
"I just wanted to talk, you're not really going to divorce me are you Louise?" Louise regarded Frank with narrow eyes.  
  
"That all depends," she said slyly.  
  
"Depends on what?" asked Frank his tone a mixture of confusion and fear. Louise had Frank sit down and looked at him carefully, not seeing the annoying little man he was, but the puppet he might prove to be.  
  
"Frank, I know all about your little affair here at this camp. I also know that the affair wasn't ended by you." Any protests Frank was going to make were silenced by a sharp look from Louise' emerald green eyes that had taken on a catlike atmosphere to them.  
  
"What I want you to do, is restart your little affair and then end it on your terms. But you had better not keep it going for longer than you have to or so help me Frank..." she let the threat drift so as to let his mind finish it.  
  
Frank looked at Louise with a mixture of giddiness and wariness. "But Louise, why?" he asked. Louise turned her eyes on his, their green depths darker than Frank had ever seen them and he gave an involuntary shiver.  
  
"Because Frank, I am not some one who likes to lose, you know that. And you had an affair, I have to deal with that. But the fact that she ended it means she won. That means we lost. And I am not a loser."  
  
**  
  
Frank let his gaze sweep over the gun one more time. He was sure that if he killed Hawkeye, Margaret would be his again, besides he always hated Pierce. Then he could break up with Margaret and wouldn't have to get divorced and lose all that lovely money Louise' family had, as well as any of the money he had. And maybe once Louise was convinced that he wouldn't cheat on her, he could rekindle his affair with Margaret.  
  
He giggled happily and tucked the gun in his holster as he looked at the clock. It was just about time.  
  
**  
  
Louise walked into Post-Op glancing around. Seeing Hawkeye she smiled widely, giving her a hungry-feline-looking-at-a-canary look. She walked over to him casually.  
  
"Hello Hawkeye," she smiled. He looked up from the chart he was reading.  
  
"Oh, uh, hi," he said awkwardly flashing a quick uncomfortable smile. Turning back to the nurse standing beside him, he told her the instructions for the patient and replaced the chart. Looking at the clock on the wall, he returned his attention to Louise.  
  
"So, uh Mrs. Burns," he said uncomfortably  
  
"Louise," she corrected  
  
"Louise, is there something I can help you with or...?" he trailed off, not knowing what else to say.  
  
"Oh, I just wanted to see how these Post-Operative duties work," she said smiling.  
  
"Oh, well I'd like to stick around and tell you but Beej is just about to relieve me," Just then BJ walked in the door. Hawkeye glanced over smiling with relief. Louise turned to see BJ.  
  
"Speak of the devil," she said smiling  
  
"Or in this case the guy with big feet," quipped Hawkeye. "Excuse us for a moment," He motioned for BJ to come over so they could speak in private while Louise pretended to be looking at a chart trying to understand it, so she could listen.  
  
"Hey, Beej, Margaret and I have a date for the hillside tonight so could you, uh, keep Mrs. Burns here so she doesn't..."  
  
"Follow you like a puppy? Yeah I can do that," smiled BJ. "Should I wait up tonight?" he asked grinning.  
  
"Not if all goes as planned," said Hawkeye with his trademark grin.  
  
"Well, I guess that's all right, but you'd better take me someplace nice for my birthday," he joked. Hawkeye laughed and left Post-Op.  
  
Louise lips thinned in a scowl, giving her a slight resemblance to her husband. She decided to stay in Post-Op long enough so that BJ wouldn't think she was following Hawkeye, and then 'happen' to interrupt their little date when going for a late night stroll. All she had to do was keep interrupting their dates until Frank had re-started his relationship with Margaret, then she would tell Hawkeye who would brake up with her. Then she would divorce Frank and have Hawkeye all for herself. Louise smiled and put the chart back.  
  
"So, Dr. Honeycutt. Tell me about post-op," she said with a secrete smile.  
  
**  
  
Margaret and Hawkeye sat side-by-side looking at the stars. It was serenely quiet and not a sound could be heard except the rustle of leaves in the breeze. Margaret shivered a little and Hawkeye wrapped his arms around her, kissing her blonde head.  
  
"YOU KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF HER PIERCE!" Frank's nasal voice pierced the silence, causing both to jump. Hawkeye groaned and tightened his arms around Margaret not bothering to look back at Frank.  
  
"Get lost Frank, or I'll string you upside down by your bootlaces."  
  
"Hmph, you already did that!" Frank said snootily.  
  
"I don't care Frank, a classic never dies," Hawkeye was becoming increasingly annoyed.  
  
"Maybe not but your going to!" Frank raised the pistol. "Now let go of Major Houlihan!"  
  
Hawkeye turned around angrily. "Frank what the hell are you talking...."he trailed off when he saw the pistol. Margaret gave a small gasp.  
  
"That's right, Pierce! Now let go of the Major," Frank said menacingly.  
  
Hawkeye let go of Margaret. "Go Margaret," he said his eyes not leaving the pistol.  
  
"Hawkeye! I'm not leaving you!" Margaret said firmly. Hawkeye turned his crystal blue eyes on hers. "Margaret the man has a gun, I'm not going to argue with him. Go!" Margaret shook her head defiantly. "He'll shoot you if I'm not here," she said, she couldn't believe him. "That's better than both of us," he said his eyes full of pleading and worry. "Please go,"  
  
Margaret shook her head with tears threatening to spill down her cheeks. Hawkeye was about to argue with her when a new voice filled the air.  
  
"Franklin Marion Burns! You put that gun down right now!" It was Louise Burns, hands on hips, emerald eyes flaring. Louise marched up to Frank's side angrily.  
  
"But Louiiiiiise!" Frank whined still holding the pistol at Hawkeye. "I'm just doing what you told me!"  
  
"I didn't tell you to kill anyone, that wasn't part of my plan!"  
  
"Plan? You mean our plan? That's what I'm doing, see if I kill Pierce then Margaret will love me again and then I'll dump her and you won't divorce me and we'll be happy!"  
  
At that moment Louise stepped right in front of the pistol, just a split second before Frank pulled the trigger. It seemed like slow motion. Frank dropped the gun and stared down at his wife who fell to the ground in a heap. Margaret and Hawkeye rushed over to help Louise, while most of the 4077th ran outside, trying to figure out where the gunshot had come from. Frank continued to stare at the lifeless form in front of him, while Margaret ran for help and Hawkeye stayed with Frank and the body of Louise.  
  
**  
  
A lot of things happened along the next few days. A memorial service was held for Louise Burns, Frank was pronounced mentally unstable and taken to a mental health facility. Colonel Potter and Radar struggled to find a new surgeon. And Margaret and Hawkeye spent most of their time together in silence thinking.  
  
After the new, and very disgruntled surgeon, Major Charles Emerson Winchester the Third arrived, Hawkeye approached Colonel Potter about a few days leave in Tokyo for Margaret and himself.  
  
"Well son, under normal circumstances I wouldn't let my chief surgeon and head nurse leave." Looking at Hawkeye he said "but these aren't normal circumstances are they? Okay, son you get 3 days in Tokyo." Colonel Potter stood up and put a fatherly hand on Hawkeye's shoulder. "You two take care, I love you like my own children." Hawkeye smiled tiredly.  
  
"We love you too dad," Colonel Potter smiled and signed the passes to Tokyo.  
  
After the two returned, the camp had returned to normal. Or at least as normal as the 4077th could be. They had decided to put the past were it belonged and just live in the present and wonder what the future, their future, would hold.  
  
THE END  
  
OH4H: ~cries~ thank you. ~bows and leaves stage as roses are thrown~ 


End file.
